My bro - My hero! (The Sibling)

I can't go any further without passing comment on 'the Sibling'.

The sibling is the one that puts up, in love, with so much rubbish dealt out by the brother or sister with special needs.  The sibling is the one that watches on while their brother or sister goes through whatever pain they are in.  The sibling is the one that ends up often sitting in hospital waiting rooms or filling their own time because their parents' attention is demanded by the other.  The sibling is the one that despite probably not wanting to, innately carries a feeling of responsibility for his sister which he just can't put down - Jed - is no exception.

Jed is 14 months older than Imogen and in the main is great with her.  He is a 10 year old boy, so he has his moments, but mainly he is very patient with her.  We try hard to get him out to do the things that he should be doing as a 10 year old boy - climbing mountains, sledging, biking, swimming etc, but I have to say these things are not as often as we (or he) would like and never as a whole family.  But I don't think I have ever once heard him complain about missing out because of his sister.  

The other day, I walked into the living room to find them playing a 2 player Wii game.  Immi as usual had her character running around aimlessly falling into the river and I heard him say 'Don't worry Immi, I'll help.'  He directed his character over to hers, picked 'her' up and carried her to where they needed to be!  So often this is how he is with her in life too.

I have lost count of the times I have said to him 'Don't worry Jed, you are not her parent.  I will find her/do it/help her (delete as appropriate!)'  His sense of responsibility has risen over time, but I guess there are a few moments I can put my finger on that probably played a part in defining this. 
As I mentioned in a previous post, probably the first of these things was seeing for himself her first seizure in school.  A couple of years later at Christmas time we lost her for a few minutes in the local shopping centre.  I had taken them to see Santa and afterwards we were headed to a shop to choose a drink.  I was holding her (good) hand on one side and Jed's at the other (he was probably 6), she let go of my hand for a second to move a hair or something and at the same time I said to them both 'Let's go over here and get a drink'. I started to move over, through the crowds, the few feet to the shop.  We got to the shop and I turned to Jed, 'what drink would you like?' I asked, then turned to Immi.  No Immi. NO IMMI!  I have never felt such horror before.  I didn't know whether she had come into the shop with us and was wandering - as is her norm or whether she had continued with the crowds in the mall.  
I ran round the shop and couldn't see her, shouted at a shop assistant to watch Jed and ran out into the corridor yelling for Imogen , looking like a deranged woman, asking everyone if they had seen a little girl.  After what seemed like ages (but was probably actually only a few minutes) a little old lady said to me that she had seen a little girl further down the corridor.  I ran down the slope and out of the doors to the street at the end to find Imogen talking to a group of teenagers.  I was glad to see that they looked concerned rather than amused but Imogen looked as happy as Larry, not concerned at all that she was talking to complete strangers and had no idea where her Mum was.  I think she would have probably continued her adventure given half the chance!
We walked back to Jed, who was beside himself, absolutely bawling his eyes out in the shop.  The assistant had given him a drink and some chocolate, but he wasn't interested, he was so worried. The following year I got the 'Santa photo' out from that day and his response was 'I hate that photo!' I hadn't made the connection, but for him, that was the day we nearly lost Immi.
Then there have been swimming pool moments.  Immi loves the pool (in the summer), but we watch her like a hawk as she has no sense of danger and also could have a seizure and slip under.  Most of the time I or my husband stay in the pool right beside her, but on holiday there is the odd time where we have sat on the side and watched, able to get to her quickly if needed.  We realised though, that Jed gets there quicker.  Last summer, they were in the pool where we were staying and she went into a seizure.  I have never seen anyone react so quick.  He was there in a flash, and carried her out of the water.  He chose this year after finishing his swimming levels to join the Rookie Lifeguard class.
Even yesterday, we went out with some friends with 3 children.  All the kids went into the pine forest next to the path to play, but after a minute or two when we called the boys appeared but the  girls didn't come.  We had a few minutes of searching and yelling for them before they finally emerged - totally unaffected!  But after that moment I noticed that as we walked along and the children ran in and out of the trees, Jed didn't go in, but instead always had his eye on his sister, watching, making sure she didn't go too deep and yelling at her to come back if he thought she had gone too far. There is a strange mix of emotion in me, immense pride at his love and compassion, guilt for not being good enough to assuage his fears and not have to carry a sense of responsibility and sadness for him not being able to be totally free.

I know up to now, I have made him sound like an angel.  He's not!  There is an area in which he struggles and that is in her over affection at school.  He has reached that age now where hanging out with his mates means things have to be 'cool'.  Imogen is anything but cool.  She is bouncy, fun, vibrant, definitely not cool!  And I have had to tell her on a number of occasions that she can hug Jed at the start of school and then end but leave him alone at lunch and break time (which in her head means that he is the meanest brother ever and he 'NEVER' plays with her, which I know is untrue as all through the snowy days I know it was Jed that played with her and watched out for her on the playground!)

I think I would have probably snapped by now, and I know very well that Jed has learned how he can easily press her buttons to get a reaction, but in the main he is great with her, giving her time to process when she needs it, watching over her and encouraging her when she so often deals out rubbish upon him, claiming she never wins, when she has won the last 3 times but just not this time, or that he 'never' plays with her!

But today, as I ask Immi what she would like to say about Jed she says 'Jed, my bro, he's my hero!' Couldn't sum it up better myself!